It’s Okay to Grieve the Loss of Your Dog: A Safe Space for You
Understanding loss: We’re here for you.
Twenty-five years ago this July, I experienced one of the most traumatic events of my life – the sudden, devastating loss of my beloved St. Bernard, Sydney. One morning I was petting my healthy, happy best buddy. The next day I was crying over his lifeless body after a negligent pet care service left him outside during a brutal Chicago heat wave.
The abrupt and preventable nature of Sydney’s passing made the grief even harder to process initially. I was an emotional wreck, but my boss at the time showed no sympathy, refusing to give me time off to properly mourn the loss of such a loyal family member. How could he not understand the void of losing a companion who had been by my side through countless life events? Fortunately, I had the means to leave that job.
Sydney had been by my side through countless life events. He was my one constant relationship at that time. His absence left a massive hole in my heart and daily routine. Giving myself time to mourn his loss through tears, remembrance, and soul-searching was the only healthy way for me to start healing. But frankly, I didn’t find much support about the loss of my dog.
Invalidated and Dismissed: The Disenfranchised Grief of Pet Loss
As we find ourselves in the middle of National Mental Health Awareness Month, it’s important to shed light on all aspects of emotional wellness—including how to process the loss of a cherished pet in a healthy manner despite what others may think or say to you.
And that’s a harsh reality. “Leaders of support groups for pet owners coping with loss say that some have felt judged for grieving their pets, while others have felt dismissed by loved ones,” according to The New York Times.
It’s true. We’ve heard countless stories of how our society trivializes the loss of a pet. It’s a form of disenfranchised grief, like miscarriages and divorces, according to grief counselor Beth Bigler. She told USA TODAY that
“it’s a type of grief that isn’t really openly acknowledged or socially mourned or publicly supported…no one’s bringing over a casserole when it’s an animal.”
However, the truth is that pet grief is real, even quantified. The loss of a dog can be just as heartbreaking as losing any other family member or close companion. Studies on pet bereavement have shown that:
- 85% of pet parents report loss and grief symptoms comparable to the loss of human family members;
- A third of them continue to grieve at six months; and
- Almost a quarter are still in mourning after a year.
The lack of social validation makes an already devastating loss even more difficult. When loved ones dismiss or diminish the sadness of losing a pet with comments like “it’s just a dog, you can get another one,” it compounds the pain. San Francisco-based pet loss psychologist Dr. Katie Lawlor says comments like that can be just as insensitive as saying “oh just go get a new dad” to someone whose father died.
Sensitivity to the suffering of pet parents is important, according to research from Dr. Michelle Crossley, Assistant Professor at Rhode Island College and Colleen Rolland, President of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB). They suggest that creating a supportive environment for discussing the meanings associated with the companion animal relationship is beneficial for moving through the pain of loss.
“When an individual loses a pet, it can be a traumatic experience, especially given the strength of attachment, the role the pet played in the life of the individual, as well as the circumstances and type of loss,” Dr. Crossley told Neuroscience News. “Giving a voice to individuals grieving a disenfranchised loss is one way in which counselors can help clients through pet loss.”
Today, 86.9 million US households own a pet, according to the American Pet Products Association. Because most pet parents outlive their pets, millions of people face the inevitable struggle with intense grief they may feel ill-equipped to handle and for which there’s little support. As Rolland told The New York Times, “People sometimes think they’re going crazy because of what they’re feeling and how badly they feel” when they’re judged by those around them.
Whether it’s a judgmental comment, being denied bereavement leave, or simply having your pain dismissed, these experiences send the invalidating message that your love for your pet was misplaced or the relationship less worthy of grief. It only intensifies the trauma of the loss itself. We need more empathy, validation, and support systems in place for the disenfranchised grief of pet loss.
I know. I was there. And now I’m here to change it. I want you to have a place where your feelings matter, and there’s no judgment.
Healing Together: Join Project Sydney’s Supportive Community
Recognizing the profound yet disenfranchised nature of pet loss, we’ve created Project Sydney—a special online support forum named after my beloved St. Bernard. This compassionate initiative seeks to provide the supportive environment that experts say is so beneficial for processing your grief.
At Project Sydney, pet parents can find a safe space to:
- Share their stories, memories and journey at whatever point they are
- Express their pain openly without judgment
- Find solace in learning of others with similar feelings and experiences
Within the PUPS community, the trauma of losing a cherished pet will never be diminished or dismissed.
Our Project Sydney community validates the full spectrum of emotions that accompany such a loss, from guilt and anger to profound sadness and feelings of unbearable emptiness. Members can post memories, photos, videos, tributes, and more to celebrate the lives of their beloved companions.
Mourning the loss of a pet is a personal experience. Project Sydney ensures you don’t have to go through it alone. Here you can freely embrace the grieving process, heal at your own pace, and know that your love for your animal friend will always be honored, never trivialized.
To join us, share your memory, your journey or even your struggles:
- Call (323) 883-3636 to leave a voicemail
- Email sydney@pupspetclub.com with your story, photos or videos
- We’re here for you!
This is part one of our two-part series on pet grief. In our next article, we’ll explore strategies and resources to help you cope with your loss. Taking care of yourself, and dealing with your symptoms, is crucial.
Unresolved grief can manifest serious consequences both emotional and physical. Some experience intense feelings of shock, disbelief and deep sadness or even mental fog, confusion and depression. Physically, the stress of grief can bring on heart palpitations, stomach aches, headaches and severe fatigue.
Recognizing these symptoms is essential for healing. So is getting the care you need.
Find Support: Helpful Pet Grief Resources
Grieving the loss of a faithful companion is an immense challenge, but you don’t have to go through it alone.
There are a number of resources available to help pet parents process and cope with their loss. Here are some resources from top organizations.
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement
This nonprofit provides pet family support services and resources that honor the human/animal bond, including a free online Chat Room hosted by caring professionals.
This short guide from the American Veterinary Medicine Association explains the different aspects of grief and how active mourning can aid the healing process.
The American Kennel Club offers a Pet Loss Support Group on Facebook, creating a compassionate space for grieving pet parents to lean on each other.
Moira Allen’s Pet Loss Support Page
This comprehensive website offers coping strategies, advice, and links to support groups and counselors across the United States.
Anti-Cruelty’s Coping With Pet Loss Page
This page offers a support group and helpful suggestions for memorializing pets.
